2 weeks of crying....

For the last 2 weeks or so i have cried everyday. I am emotionally exhausted…and I’m pretty happy about it.

Today marks 10 days to The Butterfly Award and I thought I would put something relevant up every day until we get there.

The Butterfly Awards now in its fourth year, is an amazing opportunity to celebrate those who do so much work around bereavement as well as honoring parents who have experienced the loss of a baby. The event aims to celebrate survivors and champions of baby loss.

That means it’s almost a year since I won this award in the Inspirational Father category. I got to say it’s a tough award to win, when you evaluate what it is you’re actually winning.

Anyway this year I will be speaking and performing at the awards and my wife will be singing. I have also been on the judging pane. Now I've judged things before. I've been on the British Comic awards panel for a couple of years and while I've read comics that have moved me to tears, this is another thing altogether.

Over the last couple of weeks I have read  75 profiles, a list which comprises all the finalists (how Mel and Jade, the organisers managed to read all the entrants and keep their sanity I'll never know)

These people ….are amazing, they are inspirational, they move me tears again and again and again. Tragic stories, stories you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, and so much bravery. Have a look for yourself if you want - https://thebutterflyawards.com/voting/

So yea I have cried and I’m glad because to have been part of this process, to aid in the honouring of so many inspiring people. Well that’s a privilege. So yea, I'm tired, I'm raw, I'm done but I'm happy about it

To be an Inspirational father ?

When a stillbirth occurs in hospital, a butterfly is fixed to the door so that all staff know what has occurred before they come into the room. Consequently, butterflies have become synonymous with stillbirth.

Skip forward a year and out of the blue I received an email saying I’d been nominated in the Butterfly Awards.

“The What Now?”

I almost deleted the email thinking it must be spam but decided to give it a read.

The Butterfly Awards celebrate survivors and champions of babyloss, that seek to break the silence surrounding stillbirth. They were started by Mel Scott and Jade Deverill: both of whom have had tragedies of their own.

It seemed I’d been nominated for awards in the categories of Inspirational Father and Best Author/Blogger.

The Butterfly Awards

So I have been nominated in 2 categories for a Butterfly Award

The Butterfly Awards celebrate survivors and champions of baby loss. You can find out more about the awards here - http://www.thebutterflyawards.com/index.php

The awards are a public vote and while I would like to win because I believe that having the awards would help me on some of my upcoming plans to honour my daughter, a quick read through of the other nominees profiles has left me so utterly humble.

This then is my wish.

Have a read through the nominees and vote for whomever you think is most worthy. It is far more important to me that this issue is highlighted than that I win

The profiles of the nominees are here - http://www.thebutterflyawards.com/index.php/voting

I have been nominated for the Inspirational Father award - http://www.thebutterflyawards.com/index.php/voting/userprofile/DavidMonteith

and the best blog award - http://www.thebutterflyawards.com/index.php/voting/userprofile/1377

Thank you 

The Best of times, the Worst of times

Three months ago the new normal switched again

I've talked about the new normal on this blog before. I've talked about how everything is different now that Grace has died. How fear and sadness is part of our every day reality.

Well three months ago Kira, our Rainbow Baby was born. The definition of a rainbow baby is this -

A Rainbow Baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.

The Invisible Parent

I usually write my thoughts but after the birth of my daughter Kira Renee Monteith, the mish mash of thoughts were a bit paralysing. However they were forced into being when I was asked to speak at a memorial service, so here's my latest post - something I think is communicated better by hearing rather than reading

If you or anyone you know needs support with bearevement or supporting friends and family though theirs then please contact SANDS - https://www.uk-sands.org/

The Last Milestone

I have absolutely no memory of last night from a year ago. We were preparing to bury our daughter and I have no recollection of our what we did or our state of mind whatsoever. So many moments from 1 year ago today are achingly etched in my mind but the anticipation of the night before….nothing!

Funnily enough in the run up to the 1st anniversary of Grace's death and birth we felt surprisingly

Birthday Wishes

Today I listened to a heartbeat. It's on my phone. You can see what the heartbeat looks like in the above picture.
1 year ago yesterday, Friday 1st May, my wife and I had the loveliest of days. We knew our baby's arrival was just around the corner and we were doing some prep in what would be the birth room. Hanging pictures that would be nice to look at during labour, generally making the room as lovely a place to give birth as we could.