Saturday 16 May 2015

The Last Milestone

I have absolutely no memory of last night from a year ago. We were preparing to bury our daughter and I have no recollection of our what we did or our state of mind whatsoever. So many moments from 1 year ago today are achingly etched in my mind but the anticipation of the night before….nothing!

Funnily enough in the run up to the 1st anniversary of Grace's death and birth we felt surprisingly
calm albeit a very raw hurting calm; and then we woke up. The morning after celebrating Grace's first birthday, we woke up and it was like a fog had lifted. We thought we were doing ok but I look back from a place of relative clarity and realise how much my brain was not working, how hard everything was, the contrast was shocking. And this is why we continue to mark the milestones because despite our best efforts we cannot escape or outrun the continuing effects of Grace on our lives.

We noted the first week, the first fortnight, the first month, the second month, the six month mark, the nine month mark. We noted when we thought she might have crawled, stood, walked. We noted the 1st year since she died and today we note the first year since we celebrated her womb life, since I walked her down the aisle in a white willow basket and said farewell to her physical shell

We are overwhelmed with the desire to thank everyone for every bit of support and every donation and every gift. 

Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts and as we asked last year we we ask again - hug someone you love today.

So as we wait for our new child to make an appearance, this day seems even more poignant, this last milestone, the goodbye day. 

And yet…..I know of a woman who 41yrs later can tell you without hesitation exactly how old her stillborn son would've been today and i realise that The Last Milestone isn't a statement….it's a question.

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